Post by Mana on Dec 1, 2007 18:36:01 GMT
Yeah, so, my school's having this talent show thing (mainly bands, singers, dancers, instruments, etc...) So I thought I'd try doing some of my stand-up.
I've put some of my stuff together but it isn't very good yet...
So, I need tips, (honest) opinions, anything...
(Bear in mind the audience will be 11-16 abouts...)
Here be it:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wanna talk to you about Smart cars. Look, I know they’re s’posed to be good for the environment and everything, but they’re not really doing us any favours. I mean, they’re small, ugly and slow. If you were small, ugly and slow, you wouldn’t get very far. That’s poor Smart car’s problem.
Just thinking... Do they even have engines? Or do you just get in and go “Girrus a push!” To your neighbour? ‘Cause I can’t imagine there’s any room for an engine... It’s tight enough as it is! I mean, the seating, it must be like sitting in the front AND the back AT THE SAME TIME!
I think the only thing that could possibly improve Smart cars, is if they came with flyovers attached! That way they can go nice and slow, and normal cars can just drive straight over! Yey! Bit hard to fit in the garage though...
-"I knew we should've kept the juggernaut, Mum! At least it fit in the garage!"
-"Yeah, but it kept running the Smart car over! Thought it was a speed bump..."
Yeah...
Have you ever seen any of those stupid warning labels? Things like “may contain milk” on the side of a milk carton... Well I should hope so! Feel a bit cheated if it didn’t... Mind you, that one might be appropriate on skimmed milk... "well, it mat contain milk, but it may just contain chalk and water..." But some take it that one step further (and I swear every quote I use is real): “Not to be used for the other use” ...Other use? I’m curious now! Or “For indoor or outdoor use only” ... *shrugs*
Then there’s the ones who make us, the valued consumers, out to be stupid. “Do not iron clothes on body!” Wouldn’t it be quicker that way though? “Remove infant before folding buggy for storage!” Oh... Can’t I just leave him in there?.. Ready for next time? Or on curling tongs: “For external use only!” Well, I was hoping to curl my innards, but there’s that idea out the window...
Last but not least, there’s the utterly surreal: “Do not put lit candles on phone” ...Who would they call?
Anyway...
What is the most disgusting food you can think of though? Not like brains or stuff like that.... Lets say anything you can buy in France as food doesn't count.
I think mine has to be Ready Spready Mushroom! It is actually called that! It's like mushroom in a tube! What would you actually do with that, though? It must be like Toadies on Toast, out of Chorlton and the Wheelies! Would you like spread it on toast or a muffin? Or squirt it into the frying pan when you're doing a fry up, instead of using real mushrooms...
And Halloween! Now, I think Halloween is a bit of a weird thing to celebrate... Not because it's weird and spooky, but because Halloween is Hallows Eve... So we celebrate the day before All Hallows day, but we don't really celebrate All Hallows day itself... We're just like:
-"It's All Hallows Day today..."
-"Oh really? Cool... Or whatever... So, what did you dress up as for Halloween?"
-"Cat. It was really cool! We had this HUGE disco, and we got all these cobwebs and stuff and we got green ketchup too!"
Yeah, at first I thought green ketchup was just ketchup that wasn't ripe yet...
But it's like celebrating Christmas Eve but not Christmas!
Which reminds me, Merry Christmas! Byee!
I've put some of my stuff together but it isn't very good yet...
So, I need tips, (honest) opinions, anything...
(Bear in mind the audience will be 11-16 abouts...)
Here be it:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wanna talk to you about Smart cars. Look, I know they’re s’posed to be good for the environment and everything, but they’re not really doing us any favours. I mean, they’re small, ugly and slow. If you were small, ugly and slow, you wouldn’t get very far. That’s poor Smart car’s problem.
Just thinking... Do they even have engines? Or do you just get in and go “Girrus a push!” To your neighbour? ‘Cause I can’t imagine there’s any room for an engine... It’s tight enough as it is! I mean, the seating, it must be like sitting in the front AND the back AT THE SAME TIME!
I think the only thing that could possibly improve Smart cars, is if they came with flyovers attached! That way they can go nice and slow, and normal cars can just drive straight over! Yey! Bit hard to fit in the garage though...
-"I knew we should've kept the juggernaut, Mum! At least it fit in the garage!"
-"Yeah, but it kept running the Smart car over! Thought it was a speed bump..."
Yeah...
Have you ever seen any of those stupid warning labels? Things like “may contain milk” on the side of a milk carton... Well I should hope so! Feel a bit cheated if it didn’t... Mind you, that one might be appropriate on skimmed milk... "well, it mat contain milk, but it may just contain chalk and water..." But some take it that one step further (and I swear every quote I use is real): “Not to be used for the other use” ...Other use? I’m curious now! Or “For indoor or outdoor use only” ... *shrugs*
Then there’s the ones who make us, the valued consumers, out to be stupid. “Do not iron clothes on body!” Wouldn’t it be quicker that way though? “Remove infant before folding buggy for storage!” Oh... Can’t I just leave him in there?.. Ready for next time? Or on curling tongs: “For external use only!” Well, I was hoping to curl my innards, but there’s that idea out the window...
Last but not least, there’s the utterly surreal: “Do not put lit candles on phone” ...Who would they call?
Anyway...
What is the most disgusting food you can think of though? Not like brains or stuff like that.... Lets say anything you can buy in France as food doesn't count.
I think mine has to be Ready Spready Mushroom! It is actually called that! It's like mushroom in a tube! What would you actually do with that, though? It must be like Toadies on Toast, out of Chorlton and the Wheelies! Would you like spread it on toast or a muffin? Or squirt it into the frying pan when you're doing a fry up, instead of using real mushrooms...
And Halloween! Now, I think Halloween is a bit of a weird thing to celebrate... Not because it's weird and spooky, but because Halloween is Hallows Eve... So we celebrate the day before All Hallows day, but we don't really celebrate All Hallows day itself... We're just like:
-"It's All Hallows Day today..."
-"Oh really? Cool... Or whatever... So, what did you dress up as for Halloween?"
-"Cat. It was really cool! We had this HUGE disco, and we got all these cobwebs and stuff and we got green ketchup too!"
Yeah, at first I thought green ketchup was just ketchup that wasn't ripe yet...
But it's like celebrating Christmas Eve but not Christmas!
Which reminds me, Merry Christmas! Byee!